THE BRITISH INQUISITION

Chief Superintendent Sean White, the police divisional commander for Hull, has implemented a new policy that less serious crimes will not be investigated unless they are deemed to be racist or homophobic.

Theft, criminal damage, common assault, harassment and non-domestic burglary are to be ‘screened out’ due to manpower shortages and an attempt to meet government targets to cut the backlog of 3,500 unsolved crimes in Hull.

Lesser crimes are therefore to be recorded only. There are around 130 new crimes reported in Hull each day.

Mr White said:

‘This is unusual for Humberside, but in terms of the rest of the country I would say it’s not an extreme example of a screening policy.’

So if you are a victim of crime in Hull and are white, the best thing to do is claim to be a homosexual and then the police will investigate.